Crossover and Out
by MrDrP
Summary: An admittedly whack collection of scenes from six crossovers, none of which will become full length stories, but all of which I felt compelled to write: The Prisoner, The Twilight Zone, Casablanca, Men in Black, Star Wars & now the 2009 STAR TREK MOVIE!
1. The Prisoner

Crossover and Out … a series of scenes from KP crossovers that will never become full stories but that I just felt compelled to write. This whack collection will be updated on a completely irregular schedule.

Enjoy!

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

Leave a review, get a response**  
**

* * *

Our first installment is inspired by the classic '60s British TV series starring Patrick McGoohan ...

**The Prisoner**

Kim woke up slowly, not sure where she was. She was relieved to discover Ron, apparently no worse for wear, beside her.

The teen hero looked around the room. It was a pleasant space, but devoid of any mementos or keepsakes, indeed, of anything that might tell her where she was.

She then looked at herself. She was wearing white pants, a white turtleneck and a blue blazer, which had white trim.

Kim noticed that Ron was similarly attired. She was considering their sitch when her tow-headed sidekick began to stir. She reached over and gently took his face in her hands before she planted a tender kiss on his lips.

Ron grinned. "Okay, I have no clue where we are but the Rondo sure does like waking up here!" he said enthusiastically before asking, "So, where are we?"

"I don't know," Kim admitted.

"Nice threadage," Ron said as he looked at Kim's clothes.

"Back atcha," she said. "I so don't like the mystery but I do like your new look."

"Hey, the old one was classic!" he protested.

"Ron, it was threadbare," she said with fondness as she recalled his old hockey jersey. "Now, come on, let's see what's going on."

"Can't we just call Wade?" he asked.

"I would, but the Kimmunicator's missing," she explained as she held up her bare wrist.

"I don't like that," Ron said.

"Neither do I," Kim agreed before she took Ron by the hand and led him out of their quarters The two teens saw that they'd been staying in a small villa in what appeared to be a quiet Mediterranean town. They began walking down a path, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings.

Kim was the first to notice a man, who was dressed just as they were, approaching them. Her weirdar, which had been active from the moment she awoke, began pinging in earnest.

"Excuse me," Kim said to the man. "Where are we?"

"Why, the Village," he replied.

"Uh, just in case KP doesn't know where the Village is," Ron said, earning a frosty glare from his BFGF, "Where is it?"

"It's here, of course," the stranger said.

"That's so not helpful," Kim observed. "What's your name?" she demanded, her impatience beginning to rise.

"It's Number Twelve," the stranger said as he walked off. "It's been a pleasure talking. Have a good day."

"Okay, that was strange," Ron said.

"Strange is such the understatement. Try twelve point five on the weirdness meter," Kim said before she saw a signpost with arrows pointing to various places. "Ron, I'm going to the office to get some answers. You go to the beach and see if there's a way out of here."

"I'm on it, KP."

Kim walked briskly towards her destination. She entered the building, walked down a quiet corridor and finally found herself in a large room.

Seated in a chair in the center of the room was none other than …

"Shego!" Kim snapped.

The raven-haired woman turned around. "Don't know what you're talking about, Number Six. I'm Number Two."

"Excuse me?" Kim said, confused by her longtime-nemesis' response.

"You heard me, Number Six. I'm number Two. Your sidekick's Number Seven."

"I am not Number Six. I'm Kim Possible."

"Sure you are, Number Six," the woman who looked like Shego said patronizingly. "Whatever you say."

"I so don't have time for this, Shego. Where's Drakken?"

"Who?" the woman asked, her confusion seemingly genuine.

"Your boss," Kim said.

"You mean Number One?"

"Number One, Drakken, I don't care what you call him."

"You know, I've never met him."

"What do you mean you've never met him?" Kim said. "You two have been working together for years."

"Really?" Shego asked. "What does he look like?"

Kim decided to humor Shego. "Blue skin, scar, ponytail."

"Nope, doesn't ring a bell, Number Six."

"Will you stop calling me that!"

"Why? It's your name."

"It is not."

"Yes it is, Number Six."

"I am not a number! I am a free woman!" Kim declared.

"Sure you are, Princess," Number Two said mockingly as she began to file her clawed gloves.

Kim, frustrated, turned on her heel and stormed outside into the morning sun. She noticed the sky was a lovely azure blue, unblemished by any clouds. It was pleasing to look at, but told her nothing about where she was. Tweaked by her lack of information, the teen hero hurried towards the beach, hoping that Ron had more luck than she'd had.

She wasn't prepared for what she saw when she arrived at her destination.

Ron was running along the sand, screaming.

Admittedly, that wasn't all that unusual.

However, the ten-foot high bouncing white sphere that was pursuing him was. Kim was sure she heard it roar.

"Aiiiiieeee! KP, help!" Ron cried out as he headed her way, desperately trying to stay out of the way of his pursuer. "Bad giant orb thingie! Bad giant orb thingie!"

As Ron passed by her, Kim grabbed his wrist, pulling her BFBF out of the way of the rampaging sphere.

The two teens sat on the beach and watched the orb disappear around a bend. They sat quietly for a while, then told one another of their experiences. It became manifestly evident that they were not free to leave, that they were … prisoners.


	2. The Twilight Zone

Today's installment of _Crossover and Out_ was inspired by what I believe to be the greatest-ever episode of _The Twilight Zone_.

My thanks to everyone who reviewed Chapter 1: charizardag, Meca Vegata, Acaykath, AtomicFire, Pharoah Rutin Tutin, Quathis, NotTheCrimpMaster, Desslock3, Seamus Dubh, pinkymint, Mr. Wizard, , King in Yellow, Josh84, GargoyleSama, whitem, Molloy, Mattk and Danny-171984. My thanks also to all who are reading.

Leave a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney. I honestly don't know who owns the rights to _The Twilight Zone_ – it's definitely your humble author.

* * *

I.

Everything had gone Ron Stoppable's way since his senior year of high school. He and Kim had realized they were in love. His grades improved. He became a football hero. Sure, there'd been that little hiccup of the Warlordians invading Earth right during graduation. But in the end he'd helped Kim defeat the obnoxious aliens, saving the world yet again, and earning the right to a summer of fun with his bon-diggity BFGF. That fall, the two teens headed off to college. At the end of their freshman year, Ron proposed to Kim. They were married one week after their graduation. Two years later, they were the proud parents of tweebs of their own, Kim was working for Global Justice and Ron was a junior executive on the move at Smarty Mart.

So, submitted, for your consideration: Ron Stoppable was a lucky man. No, he was a badically lucky man. But his luck is about to change as he flies home via … the Twilight Zone.

II.

"Another Slurpster?" the stewardess asked.

"Don't mind if I do!" Ron said cheerily. He was in an excellent mood, having just had a great meeting with Martin Smarty at the CEO's Cape Cod mansion. Now, he was heading home to his family in Middleton.

Ron took the drink from the attendant. He sipped at the beverage as he flipped through the latest issue of _Gamer's World_. Ron may have been a rising young executive, but he still loved his video games.

After reading an article on the upcoming release of _Zombie Mayhem Ex Eye Eye_, he lay down the magazine and looked out the window.

His blood ran cold.

There, on the wing of the aircraft, was a monkey.

The small creature looked at Ron, then began pacing the wing.

Ron lost no time in pressing the call button. The stewardess quickly appeared.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Look!" Ron said. "Out there!"

The woman peered out Ron's window and saw the wing; beyond was a cerulean sky dotted by clouds.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I don't see anything," the woman said.

Ron looked out the window. There was no monkey. He laughed nervously. "My bad. I must be running short on sleep."

"Don't worry, Sir," the attendant said. "Perhaps you should take a nap."

"A nap. Yeah, badical idea."

Ron reached up, turned off the light, closed his eyes, and quickly fell asleep.

When he woke up he stretched and looked out the window. The monkey had returned. It was smiling at him. And it was pulling at a bolt.

"Bad monkey! Bad monkey!" Ron cried out.

The stewardess quickly returned. "Sir, are you okay?"

"It's back!" Ron exclaimed. "Look!"

The attendant leaned over and looked out to see a simian-free wing. Ron looked out, too. Much to his shock, the monkey was gone. He turned to the woman, who was now looking at him with concern. "Must have been something I ate," he mumbled.

Ron took up his magazine again, but found it hard to concentrate. He knew he shouldn't look out the window. Finally, however, temptation got the better of him and he took a peak.

The monkey had removed a bolt from the wing and was beginning to pull at another.

"Aiiieeee!" Ron cried out. "He's pulling apart the wing!"

The stewardess rushed over, looked out, and saw nothing. "Sir, perhaps I should see if there's a doctor on board."

"A doctor? What, you think I'm making this up? Nuh huh," Ron protested. "I'm telling you, there was a monkey out there and he's removing bolts from the wing."

"Sir, I don't see any missing bolts," the woman said.

Ron peered out. The woman was right. The bolts were in all place. Ron looked back at the attendant, then at the wing, then back at the attendant. "Heh heh," he chuckled, wishing he was somewhere else.

The attendant wandered forward and Ron closed his eyes, thinking of Kim and their children. "Happy thoughts, think happy thoughts," he told himself. He was startled when he heard a tapping on the window.

There, much to his horror, was the monkey, its face pressed up against the plastic pane. Ron screamed.

III.

"I'm telling you, KP," Ron insisted. "There was a monkey on the wing and he was pulling bolts out. He was trying to kill us!"

"Ron," Kim said as she gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be okay. Let's go with these nice men; they'll help you."

"You don't believe me! After everything we've been through!"

"Ron, I so want to, but nobody else saw anything," Kim said in a pained voice. "I just want you to be okay."

"There was a monkey out there, Kim," Ron insisted, shrugging off the men. "A bad monkey."

Kim considered what Ron had told her. He'd always been weird, but crazy? The idea seemed ferociously wrong.

"Wait right here," she said.

Kim hurried back to the plane and asked the mechanic if she might join him in performing the aircraft's post-flight check. Recognizing the one-time teen hero, he agreed. They clambered up onto the wing -- and were stunned by what they found. Bolts were missing. And even more disturbing, one of the metal plates had been curled up. As if someone had been peeling it off …


	3. Casablanca

Today's revised installment of _Crossover and Out_: Scenes from _Nacoblanca_.

_Casablanca_ belongs to Universal Pictures.

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* * *

I.

Ron paced the floor of the crowded café. The place, as always, was crowded, filled with people from every corner of a war-torn globe. He smiled ruefully as he caught sight of himself in a mirror. His blond hair was swept back, held in place by bryl cream, and he wore a white dinner jacket and black tie, looking every inch the club owner he was. He'd come a long way from small town Colorado. If anybody had told him when he was growing up he'd wind up owning the most popular watering hole in Morocco, he'd have thought them insane. Then again, he'd have said the same if they'd told he'd learn how to navigate the black market. Or that he'd have a torrid affair with his childhood best friend, Kim Possible.

He sighed. That was the past, this was the present. He was no longer a goofy kid in Main Street America, but proprietor of Ron's Café Americain, meeting place of Arab traders, German officers, Resistance fighters, and all sorts of drunks. Every night brought in something new.

Ron was about to go to the gaming tables when the door opened and a couple walked in. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the handsome, if somewhat effete, young man accompanied by a beautiful woman with auburn hair and emerald green eyes.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she has to walk into mine," he sighed.

He watched as Kim and Mankey made their way to the bar. A thousand memories clamored for his attention but the one that prevailed was of a final meeting in an apartment in a city under siege. He looked at his drink, took a swig, then walked to the piano and its player.

"Play it, Rufus," he said.

"Are you sure, boss?" he asked.

"I said play it," he demanded, his voice filled with loss and remorse.

The giant naked mole rat began playing the piano and crooning the words that reminded Ron of better times gone by: "You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh …"

II.

The police swarmed through the club, arresting some patrons, and scattering the rest. Ron rushed out to the foyer. There he saw the local gendarme, Etienne Barkin.

"What's going on here?" Ron asked.

"There is gambling here! I am shocked! Shocked!" the policeman declared, shifting uncomfortably as one of his officers handed him his winnings for the evening. "This establishment is closed down immediately!"

"What?" Ron exclaimed. "You can't do this!"

"I can and I just did, you non-conformist punk!"

III.

They stood alone in the waiting room. A heavy mist was descending on the airfield, enveloping the plane in mystery. The rotors were turning, the aircraft was ready to take off.

"Ron, I won't leave you," Kim said firmly.

He looked into her beautiful eyes, drinking in the love and desire he saw there. It would be so easy. They could board the plane together and escape; he had the precious letters of transit in his pocket. With those, they could make their way to Portugal and freedom. There was only one problem with that plan: it meant sacrificing Mankey to the Germans. And as much as Ron wanted to be with Kim, as much as he disliked the man she had married, he knew he couldn't do that. He knew Kim would never forgive herself.

"You have to," he said. "If you don't, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

"Ron, I lost you once. I won't lose you again," she replied. "It's awful to be away from the one you love."

"I know, KP. But Mankey needs you," he said. "Without you, he'll fall apart and the Resistance with him."

Ron saw the warring emotions on Kim's face. Her desire for him battled with her sense of responsibility. Finally, she seemed to make a decision. "I don't care about any of that, Ron," she said. "I'm staying with you."

"You can't," he said with resignation.

"You are so not the boss of me," she said.

Ron chuckled. "I know, Kim, I know. But he's getting on that plane and you're getting on it with him." He cupped her face in his large hands. "Sweetheart, it's a crazy, messed up world. Let's face it: the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of nacos."

Kim shook her head, as if trying to banish the logic of what Ron was saying. But in her heart, she knew he was right. She had a mission, a mission to save the world. And this was the only way she could do it.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a last, passionate kiss. When they were done, he gently stroked her cheek.

He could hear cars pulling up and saw Mankey striding across the tarmac, clearly wondering where his wife was. Ron reluctantly drew away from Kim.

"Go. Now." he ordered.

She looked at him longingly, then nodded. She headed for the door.

"KP …"

Kim turned and looked at Ron.

"… Don't forget, we'll always have Middleton."

She smiled, then strode out into the night air to join her husband, leaving behind the man she loved.

IV.

"You never cease to amaze me, Stoppable," Barkin said as the plane took off into the sky. The gendarme knew that Kim was on the aircraft and that the odds of Ron ever seeing her again were very, very slim.

"So, what are you going to do?" Ron asked, as he gestured to the body of Demens, the German officer who had just been shot.

"Crime in this city really is getting out of hand," Barkin tut-tutted as he looked at the corpse, then to his approaching officers. "Round up the usual suspects," he ordered.

Ron looked at Barkin with surprise. "You're developing a conscience!"

The Vichy official snorted. "Don't push it, Stoppable."

Ron playfully punched Barkin on the shoulder. "So, what's it going to be next? Fighting for the Resistance?"

Barkin scowled, but then his eyes gleamed. "That would be a possibility. Questions will soon be asked. And there comes a time when a man has to make some choices."

As the two men began to walk into the fog, Ron shook his head and grinned.

"You know, Monsieur B, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship …"


	4. Men in Black

Thanks to Isamu, Quathis, Mr. Wizard, Pharoah Rutin Tutin, Urban Cowboy, Danny-171984, RonHeartbreaker, daywalkr82, campy, Molloy, TexasDad, Joe Stoppinghem, and Stand Alone Battle A.I. for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As always, my thanks to campy for proofreading.

Leave a review, get a response.

KP, RS, et al. © Disney; Men in Black © Sony Pictures

* * *

**KP:MIB **

I.

Ron made his way into Bueno Nacho, his heart heavy, his spirits low. He'd just returned from the Possibles', where he'd left Kim to finish her packing for college. While her druthers had been to go to school locally so they could be together, Ron had insisted that she go to the school that offered the academic program that would best meet her interests. That turned out to be a top-tier institution far, far away from Middleton.

Neither teen was looking forward to being separated. And while Kim insisted all would be well, that their relationship would endure, especially with missions and tech assistance from Wade, Ron still had his fears that Kim would indeed go to the stars, leaving him alone on earth while he worked at Smarty Mart and attended the local community college.

The tow-headed sidekick and newly minted Monkey Master approached the counter without much enthusiasm, looked at the board, and placed his order. A few moments later, Ned produced a tray of Tex-Mex treats, which Ron took to the booth that he and Kim had shared for so many years. It was strange to be sitting there alone.

Ron was idly swirling the nacho cheese dip with a tortilla chip, musing on how odd it felt to be at Bueno Nacho without Kim, when a shadow fell across the table.

"Dude, you're Ron Stoppable, aren't you?"

Ron looked up to see a boyish-looking African-American male in his mid-thirties. The visitor was wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie.

"I am," Ron answered.

"Man, I've been wanting to meet you for ages," the stranger said enthusiastically.

Ron was unable to hide his surprise.

"What?" the visitor said, perplexed.

"Uh, that's not something I usually hear," Ron confessed. "In fact, most people can't even remember my name."

"Ron Stoppable: Inventor of the Naco, runner-up on _American Starmaker_, all-time rushing leader for the Middleton Mad Dogs …"

A gob-smacked if secretly pleased Ron stared slack-jawed at his visitor.

"… And that's just for starters. Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all. Have a seat," Ron said after he recovered, gesturing to the bench opposite him.

The man sat down.

"So, what's your name?" Ron asked.

"You can call me J," the stranger said.

"So, you're a fan of the Ronman?" Ron said as he preened just a bit.

J laughed. "You could say that. I've been following your career for some time."

"I don't know that I'd call it a career …" Ron opined.

"Dude, you've not only been entertaining people, you've been saving them," J said. "You are da man."

Ron's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You're not some kind of military recruiter, are you? Cause I am not joining the army. No way I'm winding up like Steve Barkin." Ron Stoppable had no intention of growing up to be the reincarnation of his bellicose former teacher.

J chuckled. "Nope. I'm not with the military. But I am with a, well, law-enforcement agency and we think you've got what it takes."

"What kind of law enforcement agency?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"MIB."

"Is that like the FBI?" Ron asked.

"In a way," J said. "We're a top secret agency that polices, monitors, and directs alien activity on earth."

"Yeah right," Ron said dismissively. "Where were you guys when the Lorwardians kidnapped Kim?"

"Dealing with the Texalians."

"The who?"

"Rank dudes from Andromeda who were threatening to blow up the planet while you were taking down Warhok and Warmonga."

"Sorry, J," said Ron. "I didn't …"

"Don't give me that 'Kim did it all' stuff," J interjected, catching Ron by surprise. "I know all about what happened. Including the monkey power mojo."

Ron slumped in his booth. He and Kim had agreed to keep that a secret. "How …"

"Sensei gave us a call. Told us all about your extracurriculars."

"Sensei? You know Sensei?" Ron blurted out.

"Oh yeah, we know all about Yamanuchi. Sensei's been keeping all sorts of alien tech there for us."

"You don't mean …"

"Lotus Blade? Seventh moon of Pondo."

"Please don't tell me Han is from outer space," Ron said as he cradled his head in his hands.

"Nope," J said much to Ron's relief. "Master Lunch Lady, however …"

"I was fed raw fish by a lady from outer space?" Ron sputtered.

"Ron, you've been served, helped, assisted, bumped by more aliens than you could ever imagine; they're all over the planet."

"Oh, great, and I guess Cafeteria Lady is from Mars?"

"Lesser Magellanic Cloud, actually."

"Sick and wrong," Ron muttered as he considered anew the unidentifiable glop the surly food service worker had served him over the past few years "So why me?" he asked once he'd set his lunch-room nightmares aside.

"We need people who know what's going down to help keep them in line. People like you," J said as he withdrew a card. He flipped it over and scribbled something on the back. Then he passed it to Ron, who looked at the card. On the front were the letters MIB. On the back was an address.

"If you're interested, come by tomorrow," J said as he rose from the booth and headed towards the door.

II.

"A secret government agency wants you," Kim snorted.

"And why not?" Ron said defensively.

Kim wrapped her arms around Ron's neck. "Sorry, that didn't come out right. It just seems so ... weirdish."

"I know it sounds whack, KP, but he knew all about me."

"Well, maybe people are finally giving my BF the attention he deserves," she said as she gave him a buss on the cheek.

"Kim, he knew about Warhok and Warmonga. And Yamanuchi. And my monkey power."

Kim's eyes opened wide. "No way."

"Way," Ron said.

Kim and Ron sat down on her bed. "So, what are you going to do?" she asked.

Ron rubbed the back of his neck. "I, well, uh, I think I may go see them," he said. "I mean, it's gotta be better than working at Smarty Mart for the rest of my life."

Kim rubbed her chin. "Okay, fair enough. We'll leave first thing in the morning."

"We?"

"Tomorrow is supposed to be our last day together before I leave for college," she said. "We're spending it together, even if it's in the Sloth going to and from an interview in New York rather than picnicking at Lake Middleton."

III.

"Do you think he'll come?" Zed asked.

"Dude, he'll be here by the morning coffee break," J said with confidence.

"And what about his girlfriend?" Zed asked.

"She'll be here," K said authoritatively.

"Yeah, I don't know about that," J said. "He was seeming pretty down. Like they were heading down two bad and lonely roads."

"I'll bet you the late shift with Jerry that she comes with him," K answered.

"You're on, man," the younger agent replied. Nobody wanted to pull the late shift with Jerry. The Plykonian had quite the flatulence problem …

IV.

Kim and Ron approached the towering Art Deco steel door at the foot of the Triborough Bridge.

"You sure about this, KP?" Ron said nervously.

"So sure," Kim said, not quite able to shake the weird feeling she had about the situation. "No secret government agency recruits my BF without my knowing what the sitch is."

"Okay," he said before ringing the bell.

The door opened and a heavy-set man let them in. He grinned. "Looks like J's going to be tweaked …"

Kim and Ron exchanged a curious look.

"… He's gonna have to do double duty with Jerry. Go right through that door."

Kim and Ron did as instructed. They entered the elevator and waited for the doors to close. The elevator descended and the doors opened. Even though they'd both been in lairs before, they found the transition from the dark, granite chamber to the ultra-sleek, modern surroundings jarring. They were greeted by three men: J; a tall, middle-aged man with a goatee; and a dour-looking agent with a craggy face.

"Welcome to MIB," the goateed man said. "I'm Zed."

"Have a blast with Jerry," K deadpanned to J.

V.

Zed gave Kim and Ron the full tour of MIB HQ. He was pleased to see that nothing and no one they saw fazed the two teen heroes.

The three now sat in his office.

"So, what do think?"

"Badical!" Ron said.

"It is pretty impressive," Kim said, before she pursed her lips.

"What is it, KP?" Ron asked, sensing something was bothering his GF.

"It's just, well," she stammered before blurting out, "You're going to be doing all this ferociously cool stuff and I'm going to be sitting in a freshman writing seminar with some self-important TA and then you'll meet some hot female agent and I'll be all alone and die a spinster!"

Ron, surprised and touched, took his girlfriend's hand. "Kim, Kim, Kim. You know I'd never dump you for someone else. And, I don't have to do this. I can still try to get a transfer to that Smarty Mart …"

Kim shook her head. "Ron, we've talked about that. It's too far from school for us to share a place. You'd have to rent an apartment and on what you earn you wouldn't be able to take classes—"

"I may have a solution," Zed said. "You two are a great team, one it would be a shame to break up. We'd like you both to join MIB."

VI.

Kim and Ron asked for some time to themselves. They talked about the offer and what it would mean for Kim's college plans, and their hopes and dreams for the future. It became clear to both teens that there really was only one possible answer they could offer Zed.

They waved to the MIB leader, who returned to the glass-walled office.

"Okay, we're in," Kim said. "What happens next?"

Zed knew this would be the tough part of the sell.

"We're a secret agency," he said. "So secret, there can be no records of any of our agents' existence."

"So what's the big?" Kim asked. "It can't be that hard to change records."

"Yeah, remember when the Mathter zeroed me out, KP?" Ron said before adding, "I still have to get me one of those hats."

Kim rolled her eyes.

"When I mean no record, I mean no record," Zed said. "No license, no grades, no credit files, nothing. Nobody can even know you exist."

Understanding dawned on Kim. "Including our families …" she said softly.

"That's right," Zed said.

Ron saw how much that idea troubled Kim. Frankly, it troubled him, too. He got up and took Kim's hand. "Thanks for the offer, but I think we're gonna have to pass."

"I understand," Zed said as K entered the office. "Not everyone is able to make the sacrifice necessary to be one of our agents."

"You ought to show them the reports before they go," the dour agent said.

"Reports?" Kim and Ron asked.

Naturally, Kim called jinx first, earning herself yet another soda.

Zed made a face and shook his head. "I don't think we should trouble them with those. It's not pleasant reading after all."

Kim's eyes narrowed. "Spill. Now," she demanded.

Zed sighed. "Fine. You asked. Before we recruit agents, we run a statistically-based projection on what their lives will be like if they don't join MIB. We did it for you two."

"And?" Kim asked.

"It ain't pretty."

"What do you mean?" Ron asked nervously.

"We have each other, after all," Kim said.

"Not for long," K said. "The name Yori ring a bell?"

"I knew it!" Kim exploded. "I knew she was no good! That no-good, lying hussy! 'Stoppable-san is your destiny' my foot!" She then turned on Ron. "How could you leave me for her?"

Ron waved his hands wildly. "I didn't do it!" he yelped. "Did I?" he asked.

"No," Zed said. "But Yori seems to have been carrying a torch for you. Seems she's going to go around the bend in about two years. She convinces you to help her out on some ninja business, then makes a pass at you and when you turn her down, she uses some kind of amulet to turn you into a monkey."

The blood drained from Ron's face. "M-monkey," he stammered.

K turned to Kim. "You wind up joining Global Justice hoping to gain access to technology to help Ron. Will Du becomes your supervisor. Within three years, you'll lose your patience with him, slug him and be sent to prison. Your most likely cellmate will be DNAmy."

Kim gulped. "That's so the drama," she said softly while Ron continued to mutter about monkeys.

"Of course," Zed said, "You could join MIB, stay together, save the universe on a regular basis, and have a great 401(k) plan, not to mention health, dental, four weeks vacation and all major holidays. But I understand your concerns."

Kim bit her lip and Ron's right eye twitched while Zed and K exchanged a glance. "You want a minute to talk?" the MIB leader asked.

"Please and thank you," Kim said quietly.

VII.

"We want to join," Kim said firmly.

"Yeah," Ron said. "We're in."

"Congratulations," Zed said. "You won't regret this."

"Question," Ron said. "How do you plan to make everyone forget about us?"

"That's easy. We've got a neuralizer in orbit. We can make everyone forget anything," Zed said.

"Anything?" Kim asked skeptically.

"Who do you think won the most World Series in the 1990s?" Zed asked.

"That's easy," Kim said confidently. "I'm not even a baseball fan and I know it was the Yankees."

"Try the Cubs," K said. "Seven straight, to be exact."

"I so don't believe that," Kim said. "There's no record of that!"

"Yeah, what about the video and newspapers?" Ron asked.

"Altered," Zed explained.

"Altered?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, we've got a pretty talented guy on staff who helps with that stuff. Actually, he's been at it for centuries," Zed said. "I think you know him: Wade Load."

"What?" Ron exclaimed. "Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that Rufus is on the payroll, too."

"How'd you know that?" Zed asked, concern etched on his face.

VIII.

Kim and Ron, holding hands, followed Zed down the corridor. They'd signed their papers and been given their new identities. They'd also had the distinct pleasure of watching Will Du, an MIB aspirant, be neuralized after failing the entrance exam.

The agency head turned to his two newest agents as they reached a pair of doors. "Sorry, you two, but you'll need to split up for now."

"Hey!" Ron protested. "You said KP and me could still work together!"

"Ron," Kim said. "Amp down."

"What?" Ron exclaimed. "You're down with them breaking up the team?"

"Look at the doors, please and thank you."

The tow-headed young man, doing as instructed, noticed that one door had a symbol for male, the other for female.

"Oooohhhhh," he said sheepishly. "My bad."

Kim rolled her eyes, then gave her man a peck on the cheek.

"So, what's behind the doors?" Ron asked.

"Your uniforms," Zed said. "I'll meet you out here in a few minutes."

It wasn't long before Kim and Ron reappeared.

"Looking good, KP!" Ron enthused.

Kim was wearing a stylish black jacket, silk white shirt with black tie, and tailored black slacks.

"Not bad yourself, RS," she purred as she straightened Ron's tie. "I so like it when you get dressed up."

The two teens locked eyes and began to move closer to each other.

"Ahem," Zed coughed, interrupting his suddenly blushing new agents. "I see the clothes meet with your approval."

"They're spankin'," Kim said as she composed herself.

"Badical," an abashed Ron agreed.

"Good," Zed said with an indulgent grin. "Because these are the last suits either of you will ever wear …"


	5. Star Wars

**Star Wars: Episode Vee Eye (formerly Episode Eye Eye Eye)**

_**The Return of the Naco**_

* * *

The

Rebel

Alliance has

learned of the

Empire's construction

of a new, more powerful

_Death Star_, known as _Even_

_Bigger Death Star_. A bold plan

has been set in motion to destroy the

deadly battle station before it becomes

operational. But first a desperate mission

into the lair of the Hutt must be completed …

* * *

Princess Kim Possible, disguised as a Lowertonian bounty hunter, kept to the shadows as she quietly made her way deeper into the central chamber of the fortress-like lair. She gingerly stepped around its sleeping denizens, who were sprawled on divans, against walls, and even on the floor of the passageway. She saw beings from at least a dozen worlds, all in the service of an odious figure who slumbered on a raised platform that dominated the room. Kim grimaced at the huge, grotesque form of the Hutt who held sway over Tatooine's criminal underworld.

Kim's attention quickly turned to the recumbent form of Rufus, whom she'd led into the lair earlier that day. Despite it being part of their plan, the sight of his noble paws in shackles angered her. She continued to scan the cavernous room until her eyes settled on her quarry. Rage and longing filled her as she took in the sight of Ron, her Ron, encased in carbonite. His normally carefree, goofy features were contorted in pain, his large hands grasping futilely at freedom. She so wanted to introduce those who'd done this to the joys of sixteen kinds of kung fu, but knew that vengeance would have to wait: at the moment her priority was to free Ron and Rufus and escape with them as quickly as possible.

The redhead tiptoed to her BFBF's frozen form. There she evaluated the simple control panel that was affixed to the side of the block in which Ron was trapped, spied a flashing yellow control button, and deactivated the cooling system. Immediately the carbonite began to melt away and Ron began to cough. Weakened by his ordeal, he stumbled forward.

"I can't see," he rasped.

"It's hibernation blindness," she explained, her voice distorted by the bounty hunter's helmet she was wearing.

"Who are you?" he asked weakly.

She pulled off her headgear. "Someone who loves you," she replied gently, as she brought her lips to his.

"KP? Where are we?"

"Shh," she replied soothingly as she steadied him. "It'll be okay."

Kim's reassuring words were immediately contradicted when the lair's lights came on.

"Hello, K."

Kim's blood ran cold at the sound of the all-too familiar voice.

"This is so not good," Kim muttered before she turned to see a large squad of well-armed goons pointing their weapons at her while Bonnie the Hutt sneered at her, the aquamarine pupils of her grotesque, slitted eyes shining with contempt.

As Kim tried to determine just how they could get out of the rapidly deteriorating sitch, Ron continued to try to get his bearings. "Bon-Bon?" he croaked. "Look, I know I'm late on my payment, but I promise I'll get you that money I owe you. Just one more run to the Corridan sector on the _Millennium Naco_ and I'll be Chauncey."

"I don't think so, loser," Bonnie said as her porcine henchmen grabbed Kim and Ron by the arms. "Lock him up," she ordered. "As for Possible, I have other plans, starting with that outfit. It is, like, such the fashion disaster."

Half an hour later, Kim, fully at Bonnie's mercy, was seething. Her mood wasn't helped when Bonnie yanked her chain.

"Comfortable, K?" the Hutt asked, her words dripping with malice. "I hope you like your new ensemble."

Bonnie asked the question confident that her prisoner hated the revealing slave girl outfit she'd forced her to wear. The skimpy outfit was immodest, degrading, and came from Smarty Mart, where polyester-tolerant shoppers from across the galaxy shopped smart.

"You are so going to pay for this," Kim snarled.

"In your dreams, Kim," Bonnie gibed. "Maybe if you're lucky, I'll let you do a routine."

"So not interested," Kim replied.

"And here I thought you'd want to give a nice going away present to your loser boyfriend."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, now that you've ruined my trophy, I really have no reason to keep him around," she said, gesturing to the shackled and dazed figure who was brought before her.

"You'd so better not hurt Ron," Kim warned Bonnie.

"Or what?" the Hutt shot back. Then she turned to her goons. "Hit him. Hard," she ordered, and a large porcine guard proceeded to slug Ron across the jaw, knocking him out.

"Ron!" Kim screamed. She was about to turn and strike at Bonnie when she made eye contact with one of Bonnie's mercenaries – and recognized that beneath the helmet was none other than Willdu Calrissian, the annoyingly officious, though admittedly capable, Rebel Justice agent who had been serving as administrator of the Cloud City when Ron was frozen and turned over to the notorious bounty hunter from the Wannaweep Sector, Bobo Fett.

"Shut up, K, or I'll have the boys really work your lapdog over," Bonnie said before she jerked the chain again. "Take them away."

Kim gritted her teeth and stifled her response, and Bonnie, knowing she had her foe at her mercy, began to cackle as the captive redhead helplessly watched as Ron was marched off. The assorted thieves, sycophants, slime, and reverse credit swap brokers joined their patron in the mockery, filling the lair with cruel laughter.

But then a shrouded figure appeared from the shadows at the entrance to the audience chamber. The merriment came to an abrupt halt as an otherworldly hush descended upon the room. As the visitor drew closer, it repeatedly waved a hand, causing the members of Bonnie's posse to stumble back in stupefied silence. The mysterious person confidently approached the Hutt.

"Don't get any ideas," Bonnie sneered. "Your stupid Jedi mind tricks won't work on me."

"I am not here to play any tricks," the visitor said as she threw back her hood, revealing herself to be a beautiful woman with short dark hair and intelligent, almond-shaped eyes.

"Then what do you want?"

"It is my honor to come before you to acknowledge your greatness, Oh Hutt at the Top of the Food Chain."

Bonnie looked at her visitor with contempt.

"Everyone knows that you, and you alone, belong at the apex of the pyramid, that you are the Queen Bee."

"I guess the way you kiss up to me is acceptable," Bonnie conceded. "Now who are you? You'd better not be like, oh, Kimmie's long lost twin sister who you had the hots for and kissed in some previous weirdo adventure before you knew you two were related."

"I am not," the woman said, hiding her distaste at what the Hutt suggested. While the Jedi did indeed know Kim, it was as a comrade in the fight against evil and as the one who had bested her in the competition for the affections of Stoppable-san, not as a potential girlfriend. "Such a relationship would be a regrettable contrivance that would only serve to appeal to devotees of hot lesbian martial artist sex who unconvincingly profess an interest in complex plot lines and character development."

"Just checking," the snarky Hutt said as she looked at her fingernails.

"I must confess that I find your interest in the topic ironic," Yori observed.

"Why?" Bonnie asked, still focused on her nails.

"Have you not considered what some with overactive imaginations might make of the scene presented by you and Princess Kim, who is both female and your captive?"

"So don't need that image," Kim said while Bonnie snorted, a most impressive sight given the size of the Hutt's nostrils.

"You know, a villain can just hurt someone for the sake of hurting them without it meaning the villain has the hots for her totally inferior opponent," Bonnie said dismissively. "So, now that we've, like, gotten that out of the way, what's your name?"

"I am Yori Skywalker," the lithe Jedi said with a graceful bow.

"And what's that with you?" Bonnie asked, indicating the small droid just behind Yori.

"This is a present, one I offer with my humblest respect," the Jedi said as a stocky little robot rolled forward. "You will find that Wade2D2 is a most resourceful droid."

"Whatever," Bonnie replied as she lifted a controller with her free hand. "Well, thanks for the droid – and for dropping in, loser!"

The Hutt grinned sadistically as she pressed a button, causing a trap door beneath Yori to suddenly swing open. Kim gasped while the assembled thugs, crooks, and corporate lobbyists began to hoot and holler.

Caught unawares, the Jedi plummeted thirty meters down a rough chute, landing hard on a dirty, rock- and bone-strewn surface. Sitting, she surveyed her surroundings and saw that there were only two ways of egress: the hole through which she'd fallen, and which was now covered by a heavy grate, and an opening in the far wall, which was also barred by a forbidding door. Her attention was drawn upwards when she heard a larger panel recess, revealing a grille that allowed Bonnie and her posse to look down into the pit.

Yori locked eyes with the Hutt, then stood and had begun brushing the dirt from her clothes when she heard a feral growling come from behind the door. As the massive barrier began to slowly rise, she grabbed a bone from a large animal, took up a fighting stance and awaited the creature's arrival.

After what seemed the proverbial eternity but was really just an action-adventure cliché-elongated minute twenty-four seconds, a thorgoggle lumbered into the pit. Yori had heard of such creatures, knowing they came from Lorwardia, but had never seen one. The hideous thing stood more than five meters tall, and that was with a considerable slouch. Its arms were long and muscled and its knuckles almost dragged on the ground. The thorgoggle looked around the pit, its eyes dull and its expression blank. Then it spied the Jedi, opened its huge mouth and roared, baring large, sharp teeth. Yori had no doubts regarding the creature's intentions and what she would have to do: kill it if she was to avoid becoming its next meal.

Normally, Yori would have bowed to an opponent before engaging in one-on-one combat, but this time she dispensed with the formalities. After all, there was no honor in being stupid in battle or allowing oneself to be eaten. Instead, she waved her makeshift weapon, hoping to gauge the creature's reflexes. The thorgoggle responded by taking a swipe at her. Much to Yori's chagrin, while the giant wasn't graceful, it was faster than expected. She dropped to the floor and rolled as the thing's giant paw swept by, grateful it had not made contact with her as she suspected that one hit from the creature could prove lethal.

Yori, now behind the aroused thorgoggle, sprang to her feet. She spun and kicked the beast where its thigh and calf met, hoping to buckle its left knee. All she succeeded in doing was enraging the creature, which howled, then turned, lashing out at the Jedi and knocking the bone from her hands. Yori quickly tumbled to the side, avoiding another attempted blow from the creature. She then ran to the other side of the pit, hoping to gain a few moments to reconsider her options. It was clear that a frontal assault would be suicidal, but staying on defense wasn't going to save her, either. Then she saw a rock about a half-meter in diameter and a plan quickly formed in her mind. Unfortunately, implementing her idea required getting past the thorgoggle, which stood between Yori and the rock and the weapon she'd lost moments ago.

The beast advanced on Yori's position. The young Jedi took a deep breath, then ran towards the thorgoggle, screaming at the top of her lungs, catching it by surprise. The creature's momentary confusion allowed the Jedi to duck and dash between its legs. She then grabbed the bone and, before the thorgoggle could turn, rammed it straight up between the thing's legs and into what she hoped were its privates.

The high-pitched howl of pain the thorgoggle let out as it staggered and then collapsed suggested to Yori that her ruminations about alien physiology were indeed accurate. She didn't waste any time savoring her victory, however. Instead, she grabbed the large rock, clambered up on the creature's broad shoulders, brought her makeshift weapon down on the back of the beast's skull, killing it with one swift blow. She then climbed down and bowed to the fallen form of the creature. Even though her survival had depended on taking of lethal action, she regretted having to slay the thorgoggle, with which she'd shared a connection thanks to the Force. Her silent meditation on the web of life was interrupted by the sobbing of the brutish blond-haired man who stumbled into the pit towards the fallen beast. "Commodore Puddles," he cried plaintively, his voice thick with loss.

Bonnie was furious. (Smarty Mart stocked only so many of the beasts – Aisle 137, next to the Vienna Sausage – and the local Sand People were more apt to carry stolen second-hand hover car goggles than thorgoggles.) The Hutt vented her anger on Kim, jerking her chain a couple of times.

"I am so not enjoying this," Kim groused, as she reached up to rub her sore neck.

"Like I care whether a slave wearing clothes made solely of flammable man-made materials is enjoying herself," Bonnie replied dismissively before she beckoned to the lead stooge in her posse. "Get the prisoners and load up the party barge. We're going for a ride."

"Yes, Your Total Hotness," the toady said before she bowed and scurried off to do her mistress's bidding.

It wasn't long before the Hutt's entourage was aboard her immense pleasure craft. The barge, accompanied by two small skiffs, one carrying the prisoners, the other more guards, floated across the sun-seared wastes of Tatooine. Bonnie's posse and goons milled about, listening to music and enjoying drinks which were being served by Wade2D2, while the Hutt amused herself by taunting Kim.

Meanwhile, Ron, who was finally regaining full consciousness and his vision, looked around and, other than the two other craft, saw nothing but sand.

"So," he said to Yori, "You think we're just taking a spin around the block?"

"I do not," she said.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So, you got any ideas?"

"We enjoy the view," she said calmly.

"Got any other ideas?"

"I do not believe that any others are necessary."

"Okay, normally I'm all about the Zen Force thing, but right now don't you think we'd be better off figuring out how to get off of this bucket and save Kim?"

"Fear not and trust in the Force, Stoppable-san."

"I think I'd rather trust in a blaster," Ron replied, earning a grunt of approval from Rufus.

Yori chuckled. "Your smuggler-style humor brings welcome levity to a tense situation."

Ron was about to respond when the barge glided to a halt. "Why do I think this stop is a bad thing?" he mused as the skiff on which he, Yori, Rufus, and Willdu, who had inserted himself into the group of guards watching the captives, were riding also came to a stop.

"Okay, losers, listen up," Bonnie said. "We've arrived at our destination."

"Uh, still not seeing much here," Ron said.

Ron's observation was greeted by a rumbling.

"I believe that Bonnie-san is referring to whatever is in the sand."

"No duh, Jedi," the Hutt snarked from the comfort of her barge. "It's not like I came to the Dune Sea to work on my tan, which is, like, already perfect."

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why did you bring us here?" Ron asked.

"I thought it would be fun to feed you to the Sarlacc."

"You know, I'm really not ready to bite the dust," he said.

Bonnie, and everyone else aboard the three craft including Yori, Kim, and Rufus, groaned.

"What?" Ron asked.

Bonnie grunted. "You're not going to die, Stoppable …"

"Well, that's a relief."

"… You're going spend a painful thousand years in the Sarlacc's gut thinking about what a stupid idea it is to stiff me."

"Look, how about I pay you whatever I owe you plus ten percent?"

Bonnie snorted in reply.

"Hey, you can't blame me for trying!"

"Actually, I can," Bonnie said contemptuously. "And while I'm looking forward to watching you suffer, Little Miss Jedi there gets to take the plunge first."

Two armed guards unshackled Yori and force-marched her to the end of the plank.

"Any last words, Jedi?"

"Surrender now, Bonnie-san, or die."

"Yeah, right," the Hutt sneered. "Push her in!"

Before the guards could do as instructed, Yori stepped over the edge – then twisted, grabbed the plank's edge with her fingertips, and flipped herself up in a graceful arc. As she did so, she extended her hand. A small door opened on Wade2D2's body, revealing a light saber, which she summoned to her open palm. When the Jedi landed where she had stood moments ago, she was wielding her weapon.

"Badical," Ron enthused as Yori slashed at one of the guards, slicing its head off, then spinning and cutting down another.

"Stop her!" Bonnie bellowed.

Willdu took advantage of the melee to make his way to Ron.

"Nice to see you, Willie," Ron said caustically. "Here to betray us again?"

"I regret any inconvenience my actions on the Cloud City may have caused you, but they were necessitated by the mission. Now please extend your hands, and I will remove your shackles."

Ron, knowing that he had received what for Willdu was an abject apology, said "Thanks, Dude," then did as requested and was soon free. Moments later, Rufus was also divested of his cuffs.

Back on the barge, Kim decided to take advantage of the situation when it became clear that Bonnie, whose attention was fixed on the unfolding mayhem on the skiff, had let her chain fall slack. The red headed rebel leader jumped to her feet and, in a move that would have impressed even Yori – and which had once won the Galactic Republic Regional Cheer Finals – vaulted herself over the Hutt and onto her tormentor's back. She quickly began pulling with all her might.

"You can't do this!" Bonnie gasped.

"Check the motto," Kim said grimly as she continued to tighten the iron noose. "I can do anything." Once sure Bonnie would never menace anyone again, Kim assessed the situation. Her gaze settled on a mounted blaster cannon at the aft portion of the barge. She ran to the gun, climbed into the firing seat and began taking shots at the goons, starting with those on the second skiff accompanying the barge.

Ron, meanwhile, had grabbed a blaster from one of the fallen guards, and jumped from the skiff to the barge, catching hold of the edge of an open port. As he began to clamber up the craft's side, a porcine henchman emerged and took a swipe at the smuggler. Ron responded by grabbing the goon's arm, pulling him out of the opening and letting him fall to the Sarlacc's maw below. He then scrambled over the side and onto the deck and began looking for Kim. When he spied her on the cannon, his jaw dropped.

"That is the hottest thing I've ever seen," he said in awe as she fired another shot.

At that moment Kim noticed Ron ogling her and blushed. Still, she was pleased by his blatant appreciation of her and so, with eyebrow arched knowingly, called out playfully, "Head in the game, Ron!"

Now it was Ron's turn to blush beet red. He then grinned sheepishly, and, showing he had heeded her words, aimed his blaster at a charging guard and fired. "Don't worry, I've got your back, KP!"

Kim grinned, then hopped off her perch and ran towards Ron. "Come on," she said, taking his hand. "We need to find Wade2 and ace this place."

"I'm with you," he said.

While Kim and Ron were effecting their escape, Yori, Rufus, and Willdu were dealing with matters on the skiff. Yori did a standing triple somersault over the heads of two goons, inadvertently landing in front of Bobo Fett, who proceeded to knock her overboard. As Yori went over the side, she grabbed Bobo, taking him with her. The two tumbled towards the maw of the Sarlacc, with Bobo going first. Rufus, seeing what was happening, piloted the craft towards Yori while Willdu dispatched the last of the goons. The naked mole rat swooped down, rescuing Yori before she could follow the Wannaweep bounty hunter down into the sand monster's gullet.

"Domo," she said as she climbed aboard.

"It was my honor," Rufus replied with a gracious bow. "Now we must rescue Ron and Princess Kim," he added as he looked toward the barge, which was now listing, and where Kim, Ron and Wade2 were clearly ready to abandon ship.

"So how do we get from here to there?" Ron wondered aloud as he looked to the skiff.

The plucky little robot chirped and a hatch on its side opened, revealing a red grappling gun.

"You rock, Wade2," Kim said as she took the grappler. "Okay, boys, let's jet."

Suddenly, a huge explosion rocked the barge, and sent the little droid over the side and into the sand. Rufus flew the skiff over to Wade2's position, deployed a magnet, and rescued him. Meanwhile, Kim aimed her gun at the craft, and pulled the trigger. The grappling hook shot out, stretching a line across the desert waste. When the grappling hook locked onto the railing, Kim wrapped her arm around Ron's waist, and proceeded to jump over the side.

"Aiiiiieeeeee!" Ron cried as they fell towards the sand below.

"Don't be a baby," Kim gibed warmly. She then pressed the trigger on her grappler again. The line quickly retracted, pulling them up to the waiting skiff.

Yori and Willdu helped Kim and Ron aboard while Rufus manned the controls.

"That wasn't so bad," Ron said as he wrapped his arm around Kim's shoulder.

She smiled at him indulgently and gave him a peck on the cheek while the naked mole rat turned the skiff towards Mos Eisley and the _Millennium Naco_. Their ultimate destination: the rebel fleet and an encounter with the Emperor and his forces. But first they would make a stop at the Bueno Nacho drive-through …

* * *

A/N: For those wondering why I've updated this story after almost a year, the answer consists of three words: Bonnie the Hutt. Once that idea came to mind, I knew I had to do something with it.

Thanks to Ran Hakubi, Mr. Wizard, Commander Argus, FortressMaximus, CajunBear73, Josh84, daywalkr82, screaming phoenix, milord-z 2.0, Quathis, Danny-171984, Whisper from the Shadows, ThetaGraphics, charizardag, campy, spectre666, Atomic Fire, Urban Cowboy, spedclass, Joe Stoppinghem, whitem, Isamu, Brimmstone, Samurai Crunchbird, bigherb81, .ninja, Molloy, conan98002, donalddeutsch, Eddy13, Mortal Guardian, storyreader51, Thomas Linquist, A Tye, and Donteatacowman for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As always, leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this installment of _Crossover and Out_.

KP © Disney, Star Wars © Lucasfilm/20th Century Fox


	6. Star Trek

"Yet another installment of Crossover and Out?" you ask, O Gentle Reader. "What gives?" you wonder.

Well, in a world with 36-hour days, I would have spun this one-shot into a full-blown story. Alas, our world has 24-hour days, and so, with other projects underway, not to mention my family and professional responsibilities, this is all I'll be writing of this _Kim Possible/Star Trek_ crossover.

Thanks to campy for his proofreading assistance.

Leave a review and I'll beam a response to your email box.

KP © Disney; Star Trek © Paramount

* * *

_**STAR TREK**_

I.

There are two kinds of old men: those who are shadows of their past selves, echoes of lives lived well or poorly, and those who with the passage of time seem to gather up all the fierce majesty of the human experience, humbling those of lesser years and experience.

The first elicited sorrow, even pity; the latter, respect and sometimes fear.

Jonathan Archer, in his twelfth decade, was among the latter.

Montgomery Scott, like all Starfleet officers, had heard the stories of the legendary officer who saved Earth from the genocidal Xindi, made possible the very founding of the Federation, and, if the rumors were true, survived the Klingon prison hell of Rure Penthe. But the tales didn't do the man justice, not by a light year. Scott could attest to that, having just received a priority one transmission from San Francisco.

Glowering on screen had been the centenarian, his whispy hair white, his aged face creased, but his jaw strong, and his eyes clear and filled with unquenchable fury.

"I want my dog back," he demanded.

"I'm a workin' on it, Admiral," Scotty said nervously.

"Work harder," the old man growled. "Or I'll have you transferred off the _Enterprise_ and back to Delta Vega faster than you can say haggis."

"Aye—" Scott was replying when the admiral ended the transmission.

The Scot sighed. "It's not as if I'ma not tryin' to find yer wee pup," he groused. Then, fired by a desire to placate Archer and an even stronger innate need to solve the problem at hand, he returned to his calculations.

II.

They had never taken him seriously, even if his ideas and schemes were every bit as villainous as those of the others. They focused on his appearance, on his quirks. They mocked his desire to be wise with his resources.

And yet it was he, Frugal Lucre, who had come within a hair's breadth of crippling the world economy using nothing more than his computer smarts and a lowly can of Vienna Sausage. He would have succeeded, too, if it hadn't been for Kim Possible.

Of course, he knew every villain could say that. So the way to gain the respect that was his due was to succeed where all the others had failed: eliminate Kim Possible.

Lucre gave the matter a great deal of thought, wanting to be sure that what he ultimately did was not only successful but definitive. And so he did his research, made his preparations, and, now, he had sprung the trap that would lead Kim Possible to her doom.

That Ron Stoppable would also be ensnared was an added bonus, a villainous bargain. Despite, or rather because of their shared love of Smarty Mart, Frugal Lucre despised Ron as much as he did Kim. While the redhead was the bane of the budget bad guy's evil existence, her tow-headed sidekick had turned his back on the greatest dream a man could harbor: a career as Martin Smarty's protégé. Instead, incredibly, Ron Stoppable had chosen to set aside retail glory so he could join his girlfriend as a Global Justice agent upon graduating college.

If Lucre's plan worked, though, GJ would have to find itself two new recruits.

III.

Scotty reviewed his revised equations, then compared them to the ones he'd first used, the ones that had sent Porthos X where no canine had gone before. He sat back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head and grinned. All he had to do was make some minor adjustments to the secondary power conduits in the tertiary transporter baffle and he'd be ready to retrieve the admiral's dog.

He grabbed his tools, rose from his chair, walked around the transparent steel divider and to the transporter platform. He knelt down, removed a panel and got to work.

IV.

"… He is so busted when we find him," Kim growled.

"Hey, at least we got to pick up our pigskins," Ron observed.

"Sheepskins," Kim said with a fond smirk.

"You sure? I mean, I am the expert on pigskins," Ron said.

"Trust me on this," she said. "Besides, that's so not the point. He ruined our dinner plans. Our fams came all the way from Middleton to see us graduate and now we can't even celebrate with them."

"At least we avoided whatever prank you know your brothers cooked up," cracked.

Kim stopped, reached up and cupped Ron's cheeks, and gazed into his eyes. "Always seeing the bright side, aren't you?"

"Hey, when you're the boyfriend of the amazing Kim Possible, how can you not?"

"And you wonder why I keep you around?" she said as he kissed him.

"Oh, puh-leaze," Lucre gagged as he watched the two heroes on his monitor, which was displaying images from one of the video cameras he'd rigged throughout the cavernous building so he could watch their movements. He was relieved when Kim and Ron broke the kiss and resumed making their way deeper into the warehouse.

Kim once again looked at her wrist Kimmunicator, which she held in front of her to scan the surrounding area. "We're must be getting close," she said. "The readings are growing ferociously strong."

"Coolio. We'll get the thingie, bag Francis, and get back to Collegetown for dessert," Ron said, finishing his comment just in time for his stomach to rumble.

"Hungry much?" Kim asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Hey, sidekicking works up a guy's appetite," Ron replied with a shrug and a grin.

"You're not sidekicking, you're partnering," Kim said seriously.

Ron' stomach rumbled again. "Either way, the Rondo could use some snackage."

"Then let's find Lerhman," Kim said. "Once we take care of him, we can jet and find something to eat." The young woman looked at her Kimmunicator again, then gestured to her left. "It's in there."

Frugal Lucre watched with mounting satisfaction as Kim and Ron walked into the heart of his trap. He took another look at his equipment, made sure the cameras were rolling, then, chuckling, grabbed the instrument of his foes' planned destruction and headed out to meet his quarry. He hurried down some stairs, along a corridor and around a corner, where he found the heroes.

"Ah, Team Possible," he said in his faux Slavic accent. "You have stumbled into the waiting clutches of Frugal Lucre!"

"Forget the mustache, Francis?" Kim gibed.

"Vhat are you talking about?"

"Dude, you forgot to put on the fake goatee before going into villain mode?"

"Such the amateur," Kim said dismissively.

Frugal Lucre reached up, touched his face, and scowled. "Fine, I won't use the accent," he said. "That won't stop me from defeating you!"

"Look, Francis, we don't have the time for this," Kim snapped. "You've already made us miss our dinner reservation. Now give us the Pan-dimensional Vortex Inducer."

"I don't think so," he said. "You see, I need it to power this!"

"A telephone?" Ron asked.

"Ron, that's not a telephone," Kim said. "That's Dementor's transportulator!"

"Dude, you're stealing from other villains?"

"The lowest cost plan is the one that someone else pays for," Lucre said smugly.

"I don't know what you're up to, Lucre—" Kim said before she was cut off by her boyfriend.

"I know!" Ron said. "He's going to soup up the transportulator so he can travel to any Smarty Mart in the world and steal stuff!"

"Actually, that's a pretty good idea," Lucre conceded as he plugged the transportulator into the Pan-dimensional vortex inducer. "I'll have to look into that after I'm done with you."

"Us? What are you talking about?" Ron said.

V.

"You are confident that this will work, Mr. Scott?" asked Spock, who was intrigued by what the offbeat but brilliant engineer was attempting.

"Aye, I am. We'll have the wee doggie back in the Admiral's hands and him off my back," Scotty said to the first officer before he focused on his controls. "Energizing."

VI.

"You see," Lucre said as he shifted back into his Slavic villain's voice, pointing the PDVI-powered transportulator at the two heroes, "I'm not going anywhere. It's you who are. Sayanora, so long, don't bother to write!"

"Ron, look out!" Kim said as she shoved her boyfriend out of the way as Lucre fired his device at them.

"Looking out!" Ron said as Frugal fired off another shot, again just missing.

"Split up," Kim said.

"Gotcha," Ron said, heading away from her.

Frugal looked back and forth between the two, made a choice, and pointed the ray at Kim. "Farewell, Kim Possible!"

"Kim!" Ron cried out as the beam lanced out at his girlfriend, who, to his relief, dropped, rolled, and narrowly missed being hit.

"Phew," Ron said, not realizing that Lucre had already swung back and targeted him.

"Ron!" Kim called out when she saw what was happening.

His eyes opened wide as he was enveloped by a penumbra of dancing light. "KP!"

"Ron!" she cried out again, hurrying to him. She reached into the light, hoping to pull him free. Instead, she, too, was engulfed by the shimmering aura.

Kim was gripped by concern for herself and her boyfriend as her body tingled and her surroundings began to fade from view. And even though she felt as if she were becoming immaterial, she tightened her grip on Ron's hand, as he did hers, as the world about her was disappearing.

Watching gleefully, Frugal Lucre called out to the fading forms of his foes, "Ta ta, Team Possible! Come back – Never!" Chortling, he watched them vanish into nothingness.

VII.

"I've got a lock," Scotty declared, nodding with satisfaction as he looked at the readings on his control panel –all of the data was as expected.

The transporter whined and a column of golden dancing specks appeared. Scott and Spock watched as the shimmering lights multiplied and began to materialize on the transporter pad.

It was immediately clear that Scotty had locked onto something other than a beagle.

"I dinna understand," he said, perplexed as two shocked young people, one a red-headed woman, the other a blond haired man, rather than a beagle, appeared.

"Fascinating," Spock observed as he settled his gaze on the unexpected visitors.


End file.
